Random Thoughts...

...I'm not a hockey fan. If you are one of the six people in the United States who gives a crap about the NHL, more power to you. I'm just not one of them. With that said, check out this video. Hilarious. Although, only an NHL team would resort to cheap gimmicks for higher TV ratings, but I digress.

...Part 2? Don't mind if I do.

...This is ridiculous. Retiring numbers is about a tribute to someone who did something meaningful, a la Jackie Robinson. It isn't about honoring a self-centered, egotistical, ungracious, jackass, who has no appreciation or respect for the game or his teammates. You don't retire a number across the league every time a great player comes along, because, as Jordan has proved, most great players don't earn the honor.

...How is it that Coors Light can make some of the greatest commercials ever, and every other beer company fails spectacularily? Whoever came up with the NFL coaches Coors Light commercial idea, should never have to work for the rest of his or her life. That guy/gal is a genius.

...Have you noticed there are no bands that people legitimately follow anymore? Big time groups that define a generation no longer exist. The used to be bands like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, U2, Bruce Springsteen, etc. Bands that were unequivocally beloved, and culturally important. Now, if you look at the chart toppers, you don't see powerhouse bands anymore, just catchy song after catchy song (some of which, I'm ashamed to admit, I enjoy). Are you going to tell me people will remember Laday Gaga and the Black Eyed Peas fifty years from now? I highly doubt it. The only act with potential staying power is Taylor Swift, and as adorable as she is, she's not exactly a generation defining rock band.

...Ever since I quit my job two weeks week ago (because I'm moving to St. Paul, just wanted to mention that so I don't sound like a complete goober) I've been unemployed, living with my parents, blogging, and playing Star Wars Battlefront II on PS2. Ah, the joys of being a stereotype.

...Out of context quote of the week: "Ever since Torii [Hunter] left, I always wanted to be the one that came behind him." - Denard Span.

...Is there any mundane experience more momentarily frightening than a blown light bulb? For one split second you think,"Holy shit, what's going on? Is that an explosion? I'm going to die." Then you realize a very small light bulb just blew out and you look around to make sure nobody saw you react like Aaron Carter (Note: this is a reference to the video of Aaron Carter screaming like a girl, which is frequently shown on The Soup. I couldn't find a clip online, but if you watch The Soup you know what I am talking about. And if you don't watch The Soup, you should. So there.)

...Are there any workers in the world more surly than receptionists at a Doctor's office? They make you wait behind that stupid "for privacy reason wait here until called sign," then spend several minutes complaining to the other middle aged receptionists about menopause stories. And, when the finally call you to the window, they treat you like an ass hole for interrupting their conversation.

...In a related story, I was having a final physical for my job the other day (I worked with chemicals so my employer needed to make sure I didn't get some weird disease from drinking paint thinner and what not). As much as I hate getting a physical, I think would be even worse to be the doctor at an occupational medicine clinc. All day he just goes through blue collar worker after blue collar worker as he fondles their testicles and makes them cough. It is like an assembly line of non stop testicle groping.

...Ugh. This is going to be annoying.

...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

...Britney Spears fans are mad that she lip synced during her concert? That would be like going to a Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concert and being mad that they are the same person. There are three things you need to know about a Britney Spears concert: 1. She is going to lip sync. 2. She isn't going to lip sync well. 3. There is a decent chance you're getting a nipple slip during the show. That's all you need to know.

...Well, luckily it tastes like shit anyway.

...Hopefully "for now" are the operative words.

...Ah, the cries of the baseball ignorant:

"In baseball, statistics permeate every aspect of the game. And they should. It's an individual sport. You are on your own. If a major league team hired a computer programmer to build a GM program over hiring an actual human being, the GM program probably wouldn't embarrass itself. It would be like the auto-pilot option in a fantasy draft. The computer believes we need a higher OBP guy who takes a ton of pitches, and it believes we can sacrifice above-average defense in an outfield spot. It recommends that we pursue Bobby Abreu. Do you even need to watch baseball anymore to have an educated opinion? It's unclear." - Bill Simmons

I'm a big Simmons fan, but it is time for him to stop trying to analyze baseball. I enjoy it when he tackles baseball from an average fans perspective, because it is entertaining, but he obviously doesn't actually understand the game. Please, Bill, go back to making jokes about the Yankees, and leave the baseball analysis to people who understand the NBA isn't actually popular. Thank You.

And with that, I bid you all adieu. Have a good weekend.